Posted by: Jeremy | June 4, 2010

A.J. sucks


A.J. is back for Round 2 tonight

A.J. Burnett is back and on the hill for the Yankees in tonight’s series opener at Rogers Centre. I don’t like the guy. I do, however, have a pretty funny story about him from the time I spent guarding his vehicles back in the day.

In 2007, I used to do security in the Jays players’ parking lot after games. At one point that season, Burnett got some throwback convertible. The lot was indoors and he’d park it with the top down, and after games he’d ask me if it was raining outside so he knew whether or not to flip it back up. Anyway, one night it was, so he went to put the top up — not exactly an easy task, since it was an old car and the roof was manual. He started struggling to no avail with it, and before long Roy Halladay (of eventual perfect game fame), whose spot was beside Burnett’s, came down to help. After having little success, the pitchers were joined by Vernon Wells, and then by Josh Towers, who contributed about as much to Mission: Top Up as he did to the team every time he took the mound that season. So here I was, witnessing four baseball players worth about $300 million struggling to get the roof on a car. Any wonder the Jays haven’t made the playoffs since 1993?

My time in the parking lot had its share of awkward moments, many involving Burnett. I mentioned he’d sometimes ask if it was raining, but that was really only after he picked up that convertible. Prior to that, it would always be a guessing game — is he gonna acknowledge me tonight or walk right by me? Most nights he’d walk right by. And then there was the time there was a used condom on the ground right beside his parking spot for about a month. I wasn’t about to pick that up.

Anyway, he’s back in town tonight, and I’m crossing my fingers it turns out about as well as his last visit did. It’s supposed to rain, too, so he better come prepared.

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Responses

  1. Wow…. so that’s what it’s like from the inside eh!

  2. yeah… I remember hearing about a domestic dispute call going to his place, and the wife didn’t like him screwing some local. I forget where I heard it, but put more belief into that, than not. With that contract clause he had of the limo trip for the wife home however many times a season from Toronto to Maryland, and back. When the wife’s away (and you have a tainted view of reality), the stud will play!!!
    This is going to be HORRENDOUSLY DIFFERENT tonight…. He’ll make DAMN SURE to bring his WS ring, and make sure it will be prominent for all to see, JUST DON’T TOUCH!!!! It won’t be the same,because Roy isn’t opposing him. That was the fire of that game…. The student came to challenge the Master, and lost.
    But, I would guarantee a shit-head comment after tonight’s game from the bronx side. AND I HAVEN’T BEGAN TO RANT ABOUT THAT PURPLE-LIPPED BASTARD ROID-BOY!

    P.S… Call up Carlson, and get him to plunk Posada!!! Round two, and it reminds those arrogant worms that this team isn’t dead….yet.

  3. @Marcel: Oh yeah man, anything goes. I’ve got stories for days…

  4. @bill: Yeah, it didn’t end up having nearly the same feel as last year against Halladay, but still a fine result in the end. You coming to any games this weekend?

  5. I wish, but no ride…or cash. I was tempted to try the RF line for a game to harass you, and see it from that angle.

  6. Just get the cheap seats and I can get you down there…

  7. […] could fill space talking about how much Burnett sucks, but I’ve done my share of that for the week. Let’s talk about the real story instead: The great Brett Cecil. The lefty was light-outs for […]


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